New Goals

 I just read an unpublished post from April 2019. So I published it. I wrote about getting close to 130 pounds and feeling stuck on an endless cycle of working out for health, getting caught up in trying to be "fit," and then getting discouraged when I didn't see results. That was almost three years ago. And here I am fighting the same fight. How depressing. Only now I'm over 130 pounds.

A few things have changed in the "about" three years.

In fall 2019, my migraines were getting so bad that my optic nerve swelled. I started losing my vision. I worried that I could be dying or going blind. I decided that I would run the Shamrock Half Marathon that year because it felt like time was running out. After lots of tests and worrying about MS, a brain tumor, etc., I had a lumbar puncture that revealed excessive brain fluid. They drained some the day before Thanksgiving. It took about a month to heal, but late December/January was going awesome for running. I trained so hard. I ran four days a week. I did strength training. I did yoga before and after runs. I was eating little and all healthy foods. My weight got down to 116! I had never experienced success like that. Then the pandemic came along in March 2020.  The race was canceled just one week out. I didn't get to do my race, but I ran a half marathon in our neighborhood. I injured myself pretty great from working out too much. I had to stop running since we were virtual schooling and I was injured.

By May, I was back up to 118. I started running again and ran 3.4 miles on my 34th birthday. I consistently ran all summer and ate well (not as strict, which I think was probably unhealthy, but well). My weight crept up more and more.

By fall 2020, the kids were virtual schooling off and on. Their school schedules were even more difficult with meets all day. I couldn't run. And my migraines began to get worse and more frequent.

By May 2021, I was up to 135 pounds. I weaned myself off of one of my migraine prevention meds that is associated with weight gain.

I didn't run in summer 2021 really. My head hurt all the time. It still does. I am down to more like 132 pounds, though, I think from getting off the med. Before my weight just kept going up and up and up. I think it has stopped by getting off that med.

I'm hurting a lot these days. I do eat fine, though. That clearly isn't enough for losing weight. It's hard to make time to exercise when I am so loaded down with work. After I take the boys to school, I have been up for three hours already getting people ready and working as well. I need to shower and get back to my work. I have a hard time telling myself to exercise. But I'm trying.

I am doing Beachbody's 21-Day Fix right now. I'm on day two. And, man, my muscles are sore. I haven't done strength exercises in about two years, right? My hope is to finish out this program and when I can, I'll add in running. I need to strengthen my muscles right now and maybe losing some extra pounds will help ease into the running. Before I found that I could do two easy miles about five times a week and avoid injury. That is a lot better on my body than trying to get in a fast, short run, a medium run, and then a long, slow run. I'm not saying it's ideal for everyone and their goals, but it has worked for me. And I'm not looking to win any races or do a half marathon anymore. I'm just trying to be consistent and healthy.

So, it is all still an endless cycle. And it's pretty lame. But I'm trying to be healthy and just feel better overall.